I can't stand looking at my dad. I can see so much pain inside them. I can't even begin to imagine how hurt he is. The more and more I see him I wanna cry with him. I cried today, really hard this morning, I feel pathetic. I'm doing a good job acting like nothings wrong though, =/

My dad hasn't been back ever since he fled the country, when he was 19. I know my dad is in his mid 50s, I think. It's sad that I don't know any information about my dad. I wanna hug my dad. I've never hugged that man. I wish I could make him happy.

Is yelling on this journal worth it anymore..., this has been going on for so long and I'm pretty damn sure you all are sick of it.

Jealousy always gets the best of me, just like my curiosity.
( FlashBacks )

Why do I feel so fucken suicidal all the god damn time!

I just wanna be alone, for awhile. Maybe that's it, maybe that's what I need. I don't fucken know. I hate it, I hate me.

I love kara



I love everything about them

Another night I can't seem to fall asleep.


http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=280965

Thank you Gina! For understanding me. I <3 You.

I can't help but feel helpless at times. I know how I am and accepting help is hard for me to do. I am such a walking contradiction. I only accept help from certain people. That's something I don't understand about myself. Why is it like that? I don't understand myself, and it's really confusing. I feel like a girl. The more I try to explain myself the more I realize that I can't keep a sane thought. Sane meaning..., on the spot. I go back and forward with myself. I don't think I know what I truly want, but I play along in case something occurs and shines to what I truly desire. I feel bad in a lot of ways, because I may hurt someone. Which is something I don't want to do, but I know it is inevitable.

I need to find another job quick, but I am trying to better myself before that can happened. I want something that I know will suite me. I'm not going to stress as I did two years ago. That was such a miserable time.

Which leads me to this, I have been getting so close with my mom. I love it. She taught me that things are going to happened, all at once or piece by piece, but do what you can and deal with it with what you are given. Don't give yourself a heart attack in being overwhelmed with the situation because control the situation before you take it on. That way, you can better deal with it. I've learned a lot lately from my mom. Talking to her and getting close to her has been making me such a happy person. I really wanna thank her so much. But I don't know how to show it to her.

It makes me sad that I am capable of making her cry. I've made my mom cry so much, and it kills me to think that. I am such a spoiled child, I am so needy, I want so much and I know my mom just wants me to be happy. I know she see's that I still miss Sasha, but who doesn't. I know we're done and it's completely over, but memories are memories. They don't go away. Some days I sit and wonder how she is and how happy she is. How everyone is doing, how her sisters are, how are her parents. I miss how her mom always had the most cheeriest facial expressions. She'd always make me smile. I also would like to thank Sasha and tell her how she's made me into a really great person, IMO. Despite the fact that I still miss her and stuff. What she's put me through, I've finally found a way to cope with it and make myself better. But, That's a Secret.

Sigh.

" If my voice could reach back to the past, I'd whisper in your ear, " Oh darling, I wish you were here. " - Owl City, Vanilla Twilight.

I'd really like to write an entire series of novels.

I am still, to this day, fascinated by the fantasy of Vampires. Starting from Vampire Hunter D to the Castle Vania Series, I am moved by the stories of both. Mainly Vampire Hunter D.

So the rest of the night I am going to study the series of Castlevania...., I hope i will be able to make something of it.

I feel so out of it all the god damn time! What the fuck!

My emotions are fucken stupid and retarded.

I like how I can't sleep sometimes because sometimes I just can't help but talk walk backwards in my mind....

So today, friday the 13th..., I am finally going to see a therapist. I hope I can get better some how, some way.

I'm tired. Good night.

Hope I can get better, I so hope I can, but I am not going to toss all my hopes in one basket.

I've been hating myself lately, not for any particular reason also. I don't even know what's wrong with me to begin with.

Nothing ever feels right in my days. I always feel empty and dry. I feel like I must act accordingly to a situation/role/duty. I don't feel truly happy. I think it's a matter of opinion, but at the same time maybe it's me.

I don't know why, but I feel like I must say these things. No matter how much or less sleep I get, I always feel the same when I wake up; like I haven't slept at all.

I can't explain myself anymore, I don't understand why I do these things I do or say the things I say. Maybe to cope with myself within the hours of the day. To try to not let things slowly get to me..., to just forget about myself.

I seriously feel like everyday is going to be my last when I wake up. I need to stop thinking that.

One thing though, I've been doing good about it and not letting it go to other people. Go me. Or take it out on other people.

So my daily life has been better, I am still having episodes of extreme paranoia and depression. I can't seem to just shake it off.

I am happy for the most part.

Right now..., I FUCKEN HATE MY CAR! There's a shortage of Power on my Car. It keeps dying. Earlier just now, the gauges plopped down to Zero. I flipped a bitch, came home and turned off my car, then restarted it and no go. It won't start. I am so depressed. HOW AM I GOING TO GET TO SCHOOL TOMORROW!

I'm in love with this song.

Hopefully I can stay motivated to learn this song.

I've been depressed for the past couple of days and I can't figure out why..., It's bugging me.

I, at least, still have my sanity.

Lately, I don't know why, but I've been in love with Huskies. They're such an awesome looking dog.

I want a puppy and I've been looking online for one and I've found some, but they're fucking expensive! Like 2k to 500 dollars.

I want one. Bad.

I feel so bad for laughing!

I AM SO GOING TO HELL!

The guy who made this should die.

I look at you, Anon. I look at this board, and I see Christfags and Atheistfags duking it out over religion. I see Rightfags and Leftfags yelling about politics. Oldfags abusing the newfags. I look around, fellow Anons, and do you know what I see? A sea of newfags. You apply labels to what is newfaggotry, like the inability to bypass censors or failure to Triforce, so you can mock those that don't know how.
But I look around, and I see that you’ve forgotten what it means to be Anon. 1 post personal army threads, bad porn, amateur racism and sexism without any wit, rate my cock threads. Nothing you do anymore is worth the time it takes to post it. I drove past a Church of Scientology the other day and saw a few teenagers in V masks. I was pride, but then I realized there should have been dozens, hundreds, not five.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not Internet Tough Guy copypasta, I'm not slamming /b/ or 4chan. I'm an Anon too. It doesn't matter how old I am, where I live, my gender, sexual orientation, race, job, or social class. I'm speaking the truth, and you know it. /b/ is not being killed by Cancer. /b/ is cursed with Leprosy, and each /b/tard is just another rotting cell that will wither and die, eventually killing the whole. Your poll flooding is cute. Really, it is. But until someone wants to stand up and make Anon what it once was, we're nothing. We are Anonymous. We are Nothing.
Do something /b/. Do something now, before it's too late.


I agree, but this is also..., interesting


OP: What you're doing is asking all the people here who have been here a month to act like they've been here a year. I've been here since 2005, and it's always been this way, with the new people (I refuse to call someone a newfag) being stupid and dicking around.

Here are some things you need to get straight:

- The shittyness of /b/ has always been
- This shittyness cannot be changed
- There ARE good threads sometimes

What you need to do:

- Ignore it. It's not going to go away.
- Face it. 4chan isn't your secret club.
- Do your part. Don't reply to shitty threads, save for to sage them.

That is what you can do, OP, now stop being a faggot, and go lurk.



4Chan is being FILLED WITH DUMB PEOPLE AND IT'S GETTING MORE ANNOYING than usual...

I hate seeing my sister cry, especially when Robert makes her Cry.

She has no one to talk to, she stays at home all the time. The closest thing she has to anyone is her dog. I just wish she could be happier.

Sigh. I didn't sleep until 6 or so this morning.

Cathy keeping me up and ugh! Fuck you Paranormal Activity. I couldn't sleep in my room last night so I slept in the Den. Sigh. Oh well. I woke up at 12 though. =/

The house was empty.